Are you setting yourself up for online dating failure?
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Are You Setting Yourself Up for Failure Online
By Joshua Pompey
About a year ago I received a phone call from a woman who wanted one of my free profile evaluations. As we began our conversation she proceeded to tell me all about how frustrating online dating is for her. ”I feel like online dating is impossible.” I wish I had a dollar for every time I heard some variation of that statement before taking on a client!
As I looked at her pictures, I instantly ruled the photos out. She was a beautiful girl, there was no doubt about that.
Her profile writing wasn’t all that bad either. Let’s face it, I could look at any profile in the world and find at least ten changes I would make (I think its in my D.N.A. to write perfect profiles), but with that said, that were no overt red flags, and overall, it came across as very positive. Truth be told, she did a pretty good job on her profile compared to most women.
So here I was, reading the profile of a beautiful woman, with positive energy, who had great hobbies, yet, she couldn’t seem to find the type of man she was looking for. And let me tell you something else, her personality on the phone was pretty good also. She was funny, charming… to be honest… I would’ve dated her if she wasn’t a client!
So what exactly was the problem? It wasn’t until I scrolled down to the bottom of the page when I found out what the problem was.
Her match preferences required men who were 6’1 or taller to date her. Let’s put aside for a moment the fact that this statistically eliminates eighty five percent of the entire dating population.
That’s right, according to statistics, only 14.5 percent of men are taller than six feet. But to make things even more outrageous, she was only 5’1 herself! That’s right, a woman who was 5’1 refused to date anyone shorter than 6’1, a full foot taller!
Now I’m not out here to pick on anyone. We had a good laugh about this afterwards and she was more than open to my constructive criticism. She wasn’t a bad person.
The problem was, she was just setting unrealistic goals for herself. And setting unrealistic goals is often one of the biggest reasons that single women fail at online dating.
Its all too easy to set unrealistic goals online. In a world where you can narrow a man down to his financial income, height, body type, hobbies, ethnicity, etc., (I could go on and on), its all too easy to get carried away and create checklists that are almost impossible to measure up to. Its not your fault. Its human nature.
Who wouldn’t want to build a prototype of the perfect man? In the online world, the search preferences permit you to do so. Except for one little problem. Computer algorithms and software can’t take the human element into account.
While you may be passing up on a man because he fails to meet one of your arbitrary requirements, he may be the man of your dreams.
Let’s go back to the previous example and use height for the sake of argument. Suppose you were more realistic with height. Lets pretend you are 5’8 and want a man who is 6’0 or taller because you like to wear heels.
Ok. Fair enough. But let me counter that desire. If I told you right now that I had a man who was 5’8, and the absolute man of your dreams, excluding the height, would you still go for him?
Odds are your answer was yes. But guess what? You probably missed out on him because your search preferences blocked him from ever showing up on your computer. Or he messaged you, but you took one look at his height and didn’t even bother giving him a chance.
I know this may sound over-simplified, but it really is that easy to miss out on the man of your dreams. My point is, don’t set yourself up for failure online. There are enough challenges as it is to contend with. Be realistic with your goals, and put yourself in the best possible position to meet someone special. Nobody is perfect. The last thing you want is to grow into the single woman who is alone all too long because nobody was ever good enough!