7 Ways to Create the Perfect First Message

Warning: First parameter must either be an object or the name of an existing class in /home5/jpompeyc/public_html/ladies/wp-content/plugins/leadpages/lbset.php on line 146

7 Ways to Create the Perfect First Message Online

By Joshua Pompey


Make no mistake.  It doesn’t matter if you are absolutely beautiful with model looks or have the best personality in the world in “real life.”  When it comes to landing a quality man online, you need to impress a man with the first messages you send.  This is because quality men are in higher pursuit than any other guys populating the Internet.

If you want to grab a mans attention, you need to write a first message that will make him forget about all the other women out there.  In this article I will be discussing 7 first message tips that will help you to get your foot in the door with the man of your dreams.

1.  Don’t even think about sending out a first message until your photo gallery is perfect.

photo galleries

I don’t care if your profile has the wit and charm of 10,000 emails.  If a man is not attracted to your pictures, he will not respond. Create an online dating profile that tells an amazing visual story about yourself, and presents yourself in a manner that is attractive to men before you even attempt to write that first message.

2.  Keep it brief…



Overly long first messages come across as desperate and are difficult for men to respond to.  These days everyone in society is busy.  Especially men with great lives that are worthwhile.  These days a first message should take no longer than 3-5 minutes to respond to.  Anything longer and a man will likely move onto the next email that feels less like homework.

3.  But not too brief!


The goal is to be as entertaining as possible so that you stand out from other women, but to do so in a manner that is economical with your words.   A good rule of thumb for a first message is two or three sentences in the first half of the email (something playful and fun), and one question in the second half of the email.

4.  Avoid small talk and one liners.


Do not say hey, what’s up, or how are you.  Ever.  This is boring, uninspired, and makes a man struggle to come up with something interesting to write back.  Now he is the one that has to do all the thinking in the response, which may cause him to bail.

In addition, stray away from small talk questions, such as, “so what do you do?”  Think of how many times this man has had to answer this same boring question when women message him online.  Be fun, playful, and original with your questions.

5.  Always ask a question.


Whether it is your first message or third message, break the habit of writing emails that don’t end with a question.  I can’t stress enough how often I see this and am completely baffled.  This is the equivalent of being asked a question on a date, answering it, and then silently staring at the person across from you without saying a word.  Conversation is a give and take.  Always ask a question and keep the flow going, but limit yourself to one question in an opening message.

6.  Make sure your question is fun, interesting, playful, and easy to respond to.


Avoiding small talk at all costs is key.  People online have been asked the same questions a million times.  This is the surest way to bore the other person.  But don’t make the mistake of creating questions that take too much time to answer.

Asking a guy what the craziest thing he’s ever done in his life may seem fun, but this requires him to think about his entire life for his answer!  It takes a lot of thought and time, in addition to putting pressure on him to come up with a great answer.  Stick to questions that are interesting, but easy to respond to.

For example, “I see you love live concerts. I’m somewhat of a music junkie myself.  What was the last great show you’ve been too? I’m itching to go to a concert soon… Unless of course, you have the urge to serenade me on a first date :P …”  The new example discusses something you are both into, is playful and flirtatious, and leaves room for him to make a suggestion about concerts.  This will open up a great new dialogue in the following message.

7.  Don’t massage the guys ego.  Keep the chase strong.


Messaging a guy you have a lot in common with is definitely a good thing.  Its the 21st century.  But don’t fawn all over men by flooding your first messages with compliments and comments about what a perfect man he is.  One small compliment is fine, but keep these men feeling as if they still need to chase you a bit.  At the end of the day, men are hunters deep down and like a chase!  We all want what we can’t have.

Now remember.  These online dating first message tips are just the very basics of how to write highly effective messages to men online.  Be sure to fully educate yourself on all aspects of profile writing, photo gallery creation, and emailing, before even attempting to message men online!

Are you ready to change your life now?

Joshua Pompey is author of The Online Rules of Love and founder of the world’s most reputable profile writing and coaching service.  For more information about his products and services, which have had a success rate of over 99% with clients since 2009, click here now.

Follow Joshua Pompey on Twitter

Sign up for your free profile writing evaluation

Testimonials of Joshua Pompey’s products and services    Media Recognition for Joshua Pompey

customprofilelearnmore                coachinglearnmorenow                onlineruleslearnmore


More Advice for Women


There was an issue loading your exit LeadBox™. Please check plugin settings.

There is 1 comment

Add yours

Post a new comment

LIMITED TIME ONLY: All profile purchases come with a free copy of The Online Rules of Love. A $29.99 dollar value, free of charge